Saturday, March 19, 2011

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.

I went on a date this weekend and it was a nice date, but you know when you can tell that he likes you WAY more than you like him. That was my situation this Wednesday, he made a very nice dinner and then we watched the movie Red (You should totally watch it if you haven't seen it). But I am really trying to think of a way I can let him know that my feelings are not the same, gently but firmly. If you (Amy, my only reader) have any suggestions please let me know. But I was thinking back to all of the bad luck I have had with dates and I read this in my journal from last spring semester and I think this one is probably the cherry on top.

Flash back to last spring............Okay so this week I got food poisoning and I am trying to retrace my steps and everything I ate to how I got this wonderful gift. I had a really bad headache Saturday night and I was all shaky and exhausted on Sunday. I felt like I had a fever and I was nauseous all day! I had the worst diarrhea for three days and I have been constipated for the past week. I finally figured out what it was. I went on a date on Saturday, like around 6-9 (which was nice because I still had homework to do) but on the date we made bagels.

When I got there he and saw his kitchen I hoped that we were going to clean up and then cook but he had already pre-made the dough in his dirty kitchen and probably didn't wash his hands. Then he put the dough in a dirty bowl and the towel he covered the rising dough with was dingy with green embroidered edges. He took out the dough almost putting it down on the toxic counter but then I suggested that he should probably wipe off the counter and then he got another stained towel from the sink and wiped off the counter (spreading whatever was living on his counter everywhere and not wiping up a thing).

We shaped the bagels and after that he took out a jalapeno and we cut it on a really disgusting wooden board with a not so sharp knife (the grooves in the board were deep from many knife cuts and there were food stains on the board, I hope they were stains and not just un-scrubbed food). We then had to put the bagels into a pan of boiling water. The water looked dirty and cloudy. I have a feeling that they use that water to cook pasta in and never change the water. After we let them boil for a couple of minutes he took out the soggy bagels and put them back on to the nasty cutting board (soaking up whatever was growing on the wood into the bagels).

He pulled out a pan from the sink and he was walking over to put the bagels on it. I noticed that the pan was warped, rusty and caked with old food. He looked down at the pan and made a worried look and then went to the sink and washed it, not very thoroughly. He brought it back to the counter and slopped a soggy bagel onto the pan and I suggested we should have sprayed the pan. He then took out a stick of butter on a plate from his cupboard and took three of his fingers (his pointer, his middle and his ring finger) and stabbed them into the butter like he was clawing someones flesh and spread the butter all over the pan with his hands. (It was gross! Not just the spreading motion, but he clawed off half a stick of butter!) Then after that he placed the bagels on the pan and put them into the oven.

While we were waiting for the bagels to cook he showed me his turtles. He even fed one of them in front of me. The way he fed his turtles was graphic *WARNING viewer discretion is advised* He had two larger turtles and then a little baby turtle. He also had three goldfish in his tank as well. He reached his hand in and I thought he was going to grab one of his turtles but instead he grabbed one of the goldfish and pulled it out of the water and then...... he squeezed the fish so hard that it's insides came out of it's mouth! Fish guts squirted the front of the tank and the front of the apron I was wearing. I can't remember if I screamed or not with fish guts everywhere but it was so vile. We then went to nature park where we fed the duck an old loaf of bread (and most of my bagel) after that we played Frisbee golf and finally he took me home.... I don't think I will ever have a date quite like that one!


  1. OH MY GOSH!!! OH MY GOSH!! OH MY GOSH!! I am freaking out right now!! I literally started screaming while reading your story! THat is the absolute worst date story I have ever heard!! I can't believe his kitchen was so filthy, and he had TURTLES!?? Eww salmonella!! I cannot believe he squeezed a fish in front of you, I would have thrown up and ran away!! Ok, so my roommates heard me freaking out, so I hope its ok I told them the story.. they don't believe its true. Its true though right?? Horrible!! And you got food poisoning! Ahhh :(

    Well, I laughed out loud when you mentioned me as your reader, of course I just love your blog. And I wish I had some cool advice about what to do if a boy likes you more than you like him. If I knew it, it'd be handy because this boy in my ward really likes me and I am trying to avoid him as much as possible. So we'll have to let eachother know if we figure it out! Keep blogging, I love it!

  2. This is a true story! haha I was sick for a week and a half and had to go to the health center to have an x-ray of my insides! It was really bad I was so blocked up I couldn't believe it. The doctor didn't say I had salmonella but I guess it was just a bad case of whatever you call what I got! haha